WHY? WHY? WHY? This three letter word is both the bane of my existence and the driving force behind my job at Citizen Pictures where I have been freelancing, on and off, since 2005. I’ve worn a nice selection of hats at this video production facility, from PA to marketing assistant, from writer to producer, but my primary position has been that of researcher for the programming department. Or content, as they call it now. I literally search the world for story ideas that will be featured on cable network shows like World’s Best Beaches, Honeymoon Hotspots, Giada’s Weekend Getaways and Extreme Cuisine with Jeff Corwin, to name a few. WHY, of course, encompasses all of the traditional reporter questions - who, what, when, where and how, but it boils down to WHY are we doing this story, with this character, on this show.
WHY has led to some fairly inane conversations with potential program participants, especially those outside of the US. Between the language barrier and the subject matter, I worry about the impression I’m giving our foreign friends. But then again, I’ve made a fool of myself stateside, too. Below is a sampling of real questions my fellow researchers and I have asked over the past couple of years.
Is mountain salt saltier than sea salt?
What time do the bees normally wake up?
Why don’t the poisonous spines of the scorpion fish make the meat toxic?
Does your wife kill the guinea pigs or is that your job? What is the best method?
Is it the number or the size of the piranhas that is dangerous?
How far out from shore do squid hang out? Will we be able to catch one in three hours?
What is your most popular encased meat?
How old is too old when it comes to eating road kill?
What’s the difference between a rain forest and a cloud forest?
Where is the best place to find ant eggs? Do you ever harvest them while naked?
How many weddings do the Elvis impersonators perform on a typical Saturday?
When you’re fermenting the cheese in the goat skin, is it fur side in or fur side out?
Is there a specific mating season for the monkeys? How loud are they during this process?
Is it true that the village women used to squeeze out the oil of the candle fish using their breasts?
Is it just the ripe durian fruit that is banned on buses, taxis and hospital rooms?
When you’re urban foraging, how far away from the train tracks should you be?
Is your ferret on some kind of leash when he goes into the rabbit hole?
What end of the goat do the undigested nuts of the Argan tree come out of?
Are camels freaked out by video equipment? Can we milk one for our show?
My coworkers and I get so focused on finding out the minutest detail, we don’t realize how ridiculous our questions sound, which led to this embarrassing exchange:
Me: Where do you get your seaweed?
Rhode Island Clambake Man: Uh, that would be the sea.
Which was followed by yet another question, asked silently to myself – WHY are you such an idiot?
Laurie Allen